If you're struggling to support your partner after the US election, learn how to comfort them in a way that can also help your partner process the intense feelings that may be coming up for them.
The Real, Messy Relationship Podcast: Episode 10 - How to comfort your partner after the election
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Matt: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the real messy relationship podcast. I'm your host, Matt Marquez. And today I'm doing something a little different because I usually try to record episodes that are more evergreen. And that can be applied in any situation any time. Today, however, I really want to address the election, the US election that just happened yesterday. As I recorded as I'm recording this and how to deal with it and how to comfort your partner if they're really struggling with the result.
I'll be honest, I have been experiencing some really intense emotions after this. Really none of them are pleasant. I've been feeling. Shock. Disappointment. Uh, sadness, helplessness.
If your partner is also going through something like this. You naturally will want to be supporting them and comforting them. The traditional ways of offering comfort are to say things like. It's all for the best. It'll all work out. Don't worry about it. You'll get over it. [00:01:00] Unfortunately, saying these kinds of things can be really problematic because they generally suggest that whatever your partner is feeling. It's not appropriate. By saying these things you would be minimizing or dismissing your partner's emotions. And that can be really, really painful. They're already feeling all of these intense emotions.
And then on top of that. You're trying to comfort them, but then you're saying these things that make them feel like their emotions aren't welcome. Aren't accepted. And that can actually have the effect of making them upset. And disappointed and angry with you. And so if you'd really like to not do that and offer meaningful support and comfort. Uh, There's a different way to approach this.
And I generally like to recommend asking your partner, how can I support you right now? And if you want, you can volunteer. By offering to listen to them, by offering to give them space. If you know that that's something that they generally need during difficult times. [00:02:00] And, um, whatever it is you offer really, really, really try to listen to what they say, because they're the judges of what they need right now.
And your job is to, if you want to comfort them is to offer a suggestion. You know, make an invitation and then let them choose. So if they decide they want space, they don't want to talk. That's their choice. Try to respect that.
However, if they do want to talk, the way I encourage you to do this in a way that can be really, really helpful to them and be supportive. Is to ask them open-ended questions that allow them to process their emotions so that they don't feel so quite so overwhelming and painful. And the way you can do this is really just offering invitations to go deeper and deeper.
And at any time, if it feels too difficult for your partner, they may decide, you know what? This is too much. I really don't want to talk about this. Can we talk about something else. Can we stop? Like it's their choice. And, uh, really [00:03:00] respect what they want, if you're trying to offer them support.
And so the questions you can ask are, Hey, I know this has been really tough. Can you tell me what's coming up for you right now? And just say that and sit back and then let them share what they want to share. And if they've seemed like they want to continue this conversation, you can offer to go deeper.
You can ask them questions. Like, how do you feel about that? Can you tell me more? What do you think you're needing more of. And when you ask these questions, You're just giving them permission to go deeper. And process their emotions.
And while you're doing this you're really offering them understanding. And acceptance. Right, you're not telling them don't feel this way. Get over it. Like. It'll all work out. You're not just trying to brush it away. You're helping them go as deep as they want to go.
This process actually it's works if you're talking about elections. Or anything else where intense emotions are coming up, and you really want to be able to offer support to your [00:04:00] partner. Because feelings are kind of funny because the more you try to push them away or avoid them or pretend they don't exist. The stronger they're going to get. And the stronger they get, the more they influence you. And so that can be a very scary prospect. For you and for your partner to feel like you're so angry or so sad that you can't function. That you can't be yourself. And so by offering this understanding, offering this acceptance of your partner's emotions, you are helping them process it. And then allow them to release it to a degree. It can be a very slow process. It might take multiple conversations.
It might take a lot of time. But this is the process in how that can happen.
And I mean, in my opinion, this is really one of the best ways you can support your partner regardless of what they're going through.
So if you found this episode useful, please rate and review this podcast. It's the best way to help other people find it. [00:05:00] And if you'd like to stay updated with future episodes and get my best relationship advice and insights, sign up for my newsletter at Growmorejoy.com/newsletter. And you actually get a free gift. Uh, on how to have more conversations like this. Where you can really deeply understand your partner and feel more like a team.
Thank you. And until next time.